PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality is an anthology of essays edited by Carol Queen and Lawrence Schimel that is essentially a smack in the face to traditional and even some non-traditional ideas of gender and sexuality. It refutes any idea of any sort of binary along either of those lines.

Through reading the essays the reader gets multiple examples of people who don’t fit into the neat little boxes that both queer and het society tries to push them into. Because there are so many, one right after the other, each building on the next and each becoming more strange, more queer, more PoMo than the last, there is no way to deny that these people are not just flukes.

For me, I found some soulmates in this book. I found people struggling with the same ideas I do and asking the same questions I’ve been asking for years: where do I fit in if I’m sort of this and sort of that and everything and nothing? How do I navigate these gender and sexuality galaxies if I can’t pin myself down and comprehend where everything in me is coming from?

The essays in some cases are roads of self-discovery, showing just a glimpse of what one goes through when one box is not an option, and what is possible when you embrace not fitting in. Other essays were dissecting specific ideas or impulses that the authors had which were somehow out of their comfort zone, such as a gay man wanting to fuck a woman, how males and females can interact outside of a heterosexual paradigm, how a female can be a woman stuck in a man’s body, and various other pomo genders and sexualities.

If you’ve ever not fit into the boxes the world gives us, which is just about everyone in my experience, I would say you need to read this book. Even if you don’t identify directly with those in the stories it will blow your mind and make you reorganize your thinking about the way that gender and sexuality work. It will help you recognize that you are not alone, there are others like you who can’t fit into the boxes.

Even if you know that already, because I certainly did know that there were others who feel like I do going into it, you will still get a sense of camaraderie of validation that while you are unique in your own gender and sexuality expression there may be others who are just as or more fucked up than you are. And I mean fucked up in a good way, of course. ;)

How do I start a review of a book which speaks to me in such personal and intimate ways, beyond being about sex? How do I begin to describe the ways this book has clicked with me? I guess by answering those questions.

The brilliance of the book is that it delves into theory while still having an element of smut in it, mixing the two together in a true Carol Queen-esque way, because in some ways it’s impossible to seperate the smut from the theory and the theory from the smut. The first book I read of Carol Queen’s was Real Live Nude Girl back nearly four years ago when I was still living in Oregon.

I fell in love with her then, realizing how similar we were, wanting to become like her, to explore my own sexuality and look at it through the lens of theory. She was my inspiration for nearly all that I do now, and all I’m working toward including San Francisco and The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

I found Leather Daddy and the Femme by Carol Queen to be not only wonderful hot get-your-genitals-stirring smut but also an interesting look at gender identities and identity politics. It starts off with the meeting of Miranda/Randy and Jack, then follows their relationship as it progresses, adding in a third partner, Demetrius, and playing with others as well. It is a wonderful queer genderfucking depiction of a gay leather daddy and his boy/femme and the creation of a family.

I found that the identities and relationships within The Leather Daddy and the Femme were some of the closest depictions to what I consider perfect. This wouldn’t be true for everyone, of course, not everyone would have such a personal reaction to the book, dreaming of being in an open and poly-committed relationship or having two different but equal genders that are easy to step into. I found myself identifying in some way with all of the characters and realizing that my dream situation is one very similar to what Jack, Miranda, and Demetrius have, with slight modifications of course.

In some ways the situation in the book is similar to my own, it emphasizes that queerness isn’t restricted to same sex relationships, that there are more ways for males and females to interact sexually and romantically than within a heterosexual model. Something I’ve thought was true for years, but that is difficult for me to describe.

The biggest thing that Leather Daddy and the Femme did for me, I think, was make me think about my own identity, my own desire for a chosen family (as opposed to born family), my desire for multiple lovers, for queer sex, for my own embracing of my multigendered self. It opened me up to looking at my own gender and sexual identity paths, how I got here and where I want to go from here. Oh, and it also made me wet.

I could probably go on for pages about exactly how it touched me, about what part of which characters I would like to inhabit, what I have thought of due to the book, how it has changed my perceptions and desires… but those things are all for posts previous and to come. Instead, I’d love if you have read it for you to give your reaction to the book in the comments.

Bandito is such a gorgeous toy. He comes in both black (as shown) and lavender (shown here), so I, of course, got the black. The fun with Onyx I had a few nights back was with the Bandito, and you can go read how well that turned out.

Bandito is sleek and beautiful, with a gorgeous swirly pattern along his shaft he is not only pleasing to the eye but also the added texture increases pleasure. He also has a nice curve to him, perfect for g-spot or p-spot stimulation (see above re: fun with Onyx). While he isn’t super long or super thick, only about 6″ of insertable length and about 4.5″ around or 1.5″ thick, he does have that just about perfect curve to him which I believe adds to the feeling of thickness of any toy. He hits all the right spots without even trying.

The base of Bandito is slightly strange, it’s thick and wide, perfect for strap-on use. I’ve used it with the Hardcore Harness and found it fits very well and is nice and sturdy, I had absolutely no problem with control using the two together. The unusual part of it is the shape of the base, most dildo bases are circular, but Bandito’s base is sort of like a triangle.

According to Panthera Pardus, even though he isn’t marketed as such she says Bandito can also be used like a suction-cup dildo, and I verify that is correct! There is a slight curve to the underside base which allows it to be suctioned to the wall. I haven’t actually fucked it using it like a suction cup dildo, but I have suctioned it to the wall and tugged on it and it holds up very well.

Bandito is an extremely well-made toy. Have I mentioned that it’s made of 100% medical-grade Silicone? Because it is. Which, aside from meaning that no silicone lube should be used with it, means that it is one of the safest materials that your sex toys could be made from.

I would recommend Bandito to anyone who is wanting a dildo that is not only wonderful to look at but that will also hit all the right spots and is harness compatible, or any combination of those. Also, if you’re looking for a suction-cup dildo, even though it isn’t marketed as such, I would seriously consider getting Bandito for that as well. Rarely do harness-compatible dildos also work as suction cup dildos, so it’s almost like getting two dildos in one!

If you read my review of Lelo’s tiny Nea vibrator then you already know that LELO (Luxury Erotic Lifestyle Objects) is my new favorite toy company. When I had the chance to pick out some new toys from VibeReview, Lelo’s “pleasure object” Iris was right at the top of my list.

Iris comes in a beautiful black storage box with a charger (like all Lelo toys Iris is rechargeable–no pesky batteries to mess with), a satin pouch for traveling, warranty information (Lelo gives a one year warranty standard with all of their toys), and an instruction manual. The manual informs us that Iris is made of medical-grade silicone (the insertable shaft), and PC-ABS (the handle), both of which are non-porous and some of the highest quality material for sex toys on the market.

Like all Lelo vibrating toys, Iris has a LED strip around her interface dial that lights up when you press any of the four “quadrants” of the dial (+ or – vibration, and < or > vibration type). The manual mentioned that Iris will change color from white to red if the rechargeable battery is running out, alerting you to plug her in, blinking while she’s charging and then solid white when she’s charged up and ready to go. It takes up to three hours to charge her up for a full four hours of play. Other information in the manual includes how to turn Iris on, how to lock for traveling with Iris (a standard feature), troubleshooting, and the different types of vibration Iris offers.

Not only is Iris beautiful like all Lelo toys, the details on her shaft reminding me of the bud of a flower getting ready to bloom, but she also packs a pretty hefty punch. She has two different vibration centers, in the crown (or tip) and in the base (where she meets the handle), which you can set with continuous vibration in one or the other, or both. The other two vibration options are pulses either a slow or quick pulsation of the entire length of her. Personally I love using just the crown vibration for clitoral stimulation, which it does quite a wonderful job at!

Iris is curved just right for g-spot stimulation, be it shallow or deep, so she’s good for both thrusting and just pressing inside and letting her pulse as you play with something else on your clit (my favorite way to use her). She is also curved nicely for clitoral stimulation, as Iris curves right along the mons allowing for ease of maneuvering. I did find it a little too easy to press on the dial when in the middle of masturbating, which was annoying but not overly so.

Like I’ve said before, “there’s just no substitute for the quality of pleasure Lelo’s pleasure objects bring.” They are well-made, beautiful, elegant, and inform you of all the information you might need about the toy in the manual (including troubleshooting and recycling instructions!). I absolutely love the Iris, though it hasn’t quite outranked the Nea, it definitely comes close. I would highly recommend Iris to anyone who especially enjoys high-quality g-spot stimulating toys as well as works of art.

Nea by Lelo may very well be my new favorite toy. I am absolutely in love with Lelo, so when they offered me a toy of theirs I had a hard time deciding which one to get because I want them all. There is no Lelo pleasure object that I wouldn’t own. They are all gorgeous and unique in their own ways, and I highly encourage you to check out their entire line of pleasure objects. Go ahead, I’ll still be here when you get back.

I like to take everything about a toy into account in my review and desire of it, not just the vibration or how well it gets me off. Although vibration and orgasm intensity are both extremely important (why else do we buy vibrators, right?) most toys can bring me to orgasm with enough time or effort on my part. Sometimes I want a longer work-up to orgasm not just the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am intensity of the Hitachi, so intensity is not always the only thing I look for.

I take all the aesthetics and features into mind when reviewing a toy, and the greatest testament to my desire of it is not how well it got me off but how likely I am to use it again, and Nea has become my number one toy to use both for solo and partner play. I love everything about it: the design, the ease of use and light-up display, the chargeability, the size, the shape, the feel, and (of course) the vibration.

Nea comes in a pretty black storage box along with a charger, a satin pouch for traveling, warranty information (Lelo gives a one year warranty standard with all of their toys), and an instruction manual. Not many toys come with an instruction manual, and if they do there’s usually not more than a page of pretty basic instructions. Nea’s manual, however, includes not only basic information about the pleasure object (such as basic features, and charging, cleaning, and vibration information) but also troubleshooting information and specifications. The manual informs us that Nea is made from PC-ABS (Polycarbonate-Acrylonitrile/butadiene/styrene blend) which is a phthalate-free thermoplastic and completely safe to use.

There is a LED strip around each of the buttons that lights up when you press them, which can be handy in a dark room. It also changes color from white to red if Nea’s batteries are running out, alerting you to plug her in to charge, blinking while she’s charging and then solid white when she’s charged up and ready to go. It takes just two hours of waiting to charge her up for a full seven hours of pleasure.

The added benefit of being able to charge the Nea also means that you will never have to change the batteries, meaning no batteries to use and throw away, and you’ll never have to search the house for new batteries to put in it mid-masturbation (something I’ve done a number of times). Lelo also sells the chargers separately in case something happens to the one included.

Another neat feature Nea has is the ability to lock the vibrator by pressing both buttons at once until the LED light turns off, which is definitely handy if you are planning on carrying it with you anywhere. Normally if I’m flying with vibrators I take the batteries out of them before packing them, but this is not possible with chargeable toys like Nea, so having the option to lock it is definitely handy. That way you don’t have to worry about Nea turning on accidentally in your bag, being confiscated by baggage handlers at the airport, or anything like that.

Unlike her nearly identical counterpart Lily (which has more of a silken matte finish) Nea is smooth and sleek, likened to porcelain by Lelo, a description I agree with. Nea sports a gorgeous delicate flower design on one side and two buttons on the underside, as you can see in the image above. Images of Nea can be deceiving, however, one would imagine from her pictures that she is the same size as the LayaSpot perhaps, which is four inches in length, but Nea is much smaller, only about two and a half inches. Small and adorable, just over the size of a bullet vibrator, made perfectly for clitoral stimulation.

This brings me to Nea’s shape, which I find to be absolutely perfect. She nestles just right, the rounded bottom of the toy against my thumb for button-pressing, my thumb resting against my mons, while the pointed end of Nea presses just right against my clit and VCH piercing, eliciting sighs and moans of pleasure. It has just the right curve to make it easy to get to just the right place, and while she is small she is easy to hold on to and maneuver about.

Nea‘s two buttons control both the intensity and type of vibration. In addition to the regular continuous vibration which all vibrators have, she also has four additional vibration pulses, three steady pulses of various speeds (called “extended interval pulsation,” “itermediate interval pulsationd ,” and “short interval pulsation” in the manual) as well as a roller coaster vibration effect (called “before & after”). I enjoy cycling through the programs and playing with the Nea on various parts of both my and Dominus’ body not just my clit.

I found the vibrations to be nice and strong but not extra super strong. While the Nea is able to bring me to orgasm it does require a little bit of rubbing on my part, which I don’t mind. Even when playing with the Hitachi I need to add a little bit of movement myself, it’s just the way my clit likes it, but the Nea definitely takes longer to get me off than the Hitachi. While the vibrations are strong I wouldn’t recommend Nea for those of you who need Hitachi-strength vibrations to get off. However, Nea can be a wonderful teasing toy if the goal isn’t to get off, and if you are looking for a gorgeous clitoral vibrator and don’t need that much strength Nea would be perfect for you (as it is for me)

There’s just nothing quite like Nea well, except her sister toy Lily. Nea has made me a Lelo addict! I fantasize about someday having every Lelo toy happily residing in my toybox. There’s just no substitute for the quality of pleasure Lelo’s pleasure objects bring.

Name: Nea

Manufacturer: LELO (Luxury Erotic Lifestyle Objects)

Material: PC-ABS

Charge: Rechargeable

Length: 2 1/2″
Width: 2″ (at it’s widest)

Rating: 5 Lotuses (out of 5) – Exceptional & A Must Have

Since my (first) HNT picture just yesterday featured her, I figured she should therefore be the first toy for me to review from the lot of toys I received from VibeReview last Friday.

From right out of the box I fell in love with my Vicky Venus, she even came with a little packet of lube, and I’m always a fan of unexpected additions. She is soft and smooth medical-grade silicone, which (in case you don’t know) means she’s made of one of the best (and one of my favorite) materials for sex toys to be made of. She’s non-porous, hypoallergenic, and easy to clean with just soap and water or can be completely disinfected via boiling and you can even put her in the dishwasher. Though because she’s silicone she should not be used with silicone lube.

I was expecting her to be a solid scarlet color, like her picture on her VibeReview page, but instead she is a gorgeous pinkish red with white marbling in her, which I think just adds to the Goddess-y feel of her. The marbling changes her from appearing silicone to something that could actually be in a museum, a not-as-voluptuous Venus of Willendorf (with a wide base), or simply a gorgeous Goddess Venus figurine. While I’m sure she would be gorgeous a single color as well (as she is in the first picture I saw her in) I do believe the marbling adds to the beauty of her form.

She is gorgeously curvy, but not so much that it’s irritating when she’s inside, quite the contrary in fact! I would go so far as to say her curves are not only in just the right places, but create just the right sensations! Her body ripples with her curves from her hands above her head down to her legs which transform into the base and each of those curves enhances the feeling of her inside. However, because of her curves I wouldn’t recommend her for anal play unless a good cleaning has occurred beforehand, just because with all those crevices she could get a little dirty.

She’s has about six inches insertable length and is not terribly wide, “.5″ x 1.44″ at widest point” according to VibeReview. Another really nice thing about her, also, is her base is nice and wide, about three inches across and nice, thick, and stable, which makes her easy to maneuver manually or to slip her into a harness and go to town (see above re: anal play, though). I can just imagine getting my gorgeous femme goddess cock orally worshiped! How perfect and fun would that be?!

My favorite part of this dildo is that right before I got her I had just been talking about my desire for a new femme cock. Now, she wouldn’t be my main femme cock, but she is definitely a femme cock, there’s absolutely no question about it. She’s sleek, sexy, femme-inine, silicone, gorgeous, and feels amazing!

Over the last week within which I’ve had her, I’ve played with her a few times on my own, and once with Master (and just gazed and awed at her a lot as well). While I don’t always need lube for most toys, when I have a toy that is curvy, ridged, or bumped I like to add a little just in case I need it. Toys like that can be painful if they aren’t lubed up enough, and while I know I will probably naturally lube-up quickly, I like to be on the safe side.

While this dildo is definitely a work of art, she, like a true Venus: Goddess of Love and Pleasure as she is, she definitely delivers the pleasure as well as the beautiful package it comes in. I highly recommend her to anyone who enjoys their dildos in fun shapes, or who would enjoy having a goddess-figure dildo, and those who love a lot of ridges or bumps in their toys. She’s definitely worth worshiping!

I fell in love with the Bondage Duckie the first time I saw it. I had seen the regular I Rub My Duckie previously, and although I thought it was wonderful as well, it didn’t quite have the same impact on me as the Bondage Duckie did. Being an avid kinkster and participant in bdsm, the Bondage Duckie just rubbed me the right way. Looking so cute and innocent in his leather collar, ball gag, and lace-up leather corset, I just had to buy him!

He was originally just for show: an adorable homage to my kinky nature, a toy to put in my bathroom and grin at every time I went in. However, I’m not one to let a sex toy go unused, regardless of how cute and adorable I find it. I just had to break it in! The first time I used him was in a bath, thinking of the rubber duckie song from Sesame Street the entire time. It was going to be fun, and I wasn’t expecting too much.

I got comfortable and got going, positioning him with his ball gag against my clit, and squeezed to turn him on. I realized his vibrations were stronger and more pleasant than I thought they would be, and ended up getting off rather quickly! I tried a few different positions with him, finding that his tail was great for clitoral stimulation as well, and the head could rest against my vaginal opening while the tail was against my clit, and I was in heaven!

It seems almost wrong to be talking about the Bondage Duckie as a sex toy, because it’s such an unusual one and so amazingly adorable, but he pleasantly surprised me by being wonderful for both show and play. He’s currently displayed on a rack (no, not that kind of rack) in my bathroom, and I do occasionally take him down for a little bath tub play.

Now that I have one of these duckies, whenever I see more I have a deep desire to get it, for show as well as for play. The intensity and design was better than I had initially imagined. He definitely makes bath time (and play time) lots of fun.